January 24, 2009

I have a confession to make.

Today I want to run away. I don't want to be here. I don't want to have kids or animals to feed.

I want to jet off somewhere warm with my husband and pretend like I don't have children.

I usually do so well enjoying my life. For someone who did not want children but got pregnant on her wedding night, I think I've managed to embraced the life given to me.

Today....not so much.

On Facebook I keep reading about all my friends who are off to warm places, or still single and traveling the world, going skiing, having fun and just enjoying their lives. Are they as happy as they seem? Because right now I'm soooo envious. I'm envious that they don't have 3 little people that are ALWAYS needing something. They are not tied down or BROKE because they have a career that actually pays them a salary.

I know, I know...children are a blessing...blah blah. I don't want to hear it. I'm not having an 'oh how I love my children' moment so just let me vent.

I'm having 2 thoughts.... 1) What am I thinking having yet ANOTHER mouth to feed. All I'm doing is prolonging the time before they all go away. Two, I'm stuck with them whether I like it or not.

There are not many mom blogs that state these feelings. In fact right now I have to admit that I'm avoiding reading all posts related to how much they love their kids and feel so blessed...It makes me angry right now because I just feel guilty for NOT having loving feelings about my life.

Perhaps I'll feel better as soon as I type this. After all I'm just venting and I know it will pass.
I don't care. That's how I feel.

I want to run away and hide.

So there you have it. The truth. Should I change my blog to MOST times I'm Proud to be Country?? Will you stop reading me because I'm not inspiring you to enjoy the simple things? or will you read me more because I am being real?? Whatever. Does not matter how many people read this blog. What matters is that tomorrow I get up on the right side of the bed.


ValleyGirl said...

Ditto. Oh boy, do I hear ya. I'm having serious envy issues these days. It seems like everyone's heading south for a vacation but you and me. I can't even remember what it was like to have money to spend on vacations and to be able to take them once or twice a year.

Erin said...

sigh...gotta love days like this one. it plagues us all i think.
hope you have a nice even out getting the break you need.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like someone needs a daddy hug.
hug hug hug


Carey said...

Your entitled to feel that way. No one ever said being a mom was going to be easy. I know I have felt that way more than my share, but it does pass. I hope you are having a better day today.

happygeek said...

I am currently hiding from my children in teh basement.
They are not allowed to come down so one is sitting on teh stairs hollering for me to join him and the other is probably breaking something.
Shift parenting is hard, hard work some days.
I'm off to eat some cheezies. Wanna join me?

Anonymous said...

I think your post is refreshing.


Live and Learn the Hard Way said...

Wanting to run away is understandable. I occasionally hide out in my bedroom when everything gets to be too much. Hang in there.

momofthecrazies said...

I read your blog because you say what's on your mind. Don't change. I like you and your blog just the way you are!!

Bess said...

Oh, I completely hear ya!!! Most of the friends I used to have in high school that I now connect with on Facebook are single, livin' the high life, going out all the time, and making great money. But you (and I) can't compare your life to others. You just can't. Your life is yours, and theirs is theirs. God has blessed you in many different ways than them, and even though it might be different, it's still a blessing. Hard to remember, I know, and I find that I have to keep reminding myself of that, too.

Okay, I'll stop rambling now. :)

Ann said...

I've been having these feelings for about a month, so it must be going around. Sometimes I'm so tired of being mom that I jsut want to run away. and I don't have to deal with the severely cold weather you do, so I can't imagine what it must be like for you! But it will get better, it just has too, ya know?!