Confessions

I have been running in the suburbs for the past week or so. I have to admit that I am coveting a different life. You see I grew up in the suburbs and loved my life. When we were first married, living on this farm was the LAST thing I wanted (and I was vocal about it), and for the first 6 years of our marriage we lived in the suburbs.

I started this blog 4 years ago after we purchased this family homestead. I was excited but nervous about my new adventure in this uncharted territory of 'farm and country life'. I was also bothered by a comment from a friend who said I was going to become a 'hick'. I needed a way to embrace my new found life and blogging about my adventures seemed kind of fun. Reading the entire Anne of Green Gables series, watching Charlotte's Web and sifting through the incredible history here has also helped me to find my way here.
O.K a LOT of prayer and listening to what God wanted from me also gave me a LOT of peace about the decision.

But I have to admit something. I moved here for my husband and this is NOT the ideal life for me. It is NOT the life I pictured for my family. I don't regret the decision and there is A TON of things I ABSOLUTELY LOVE about this place. But like all things having pros and cons lately I'm finding more reasons to move back to the city.

Running the other day I found the perfect home. Not 'perfect' as nothing is 'perfect', but a home that seems to fit the family lifestyle that I'm looking for. The nearby parks and neighbors. The walking distance to certain things. The quiet street for my kids to bike on with other kids from the neighborhood. And most of all....the house that does not need major repair, and would take half the time to clean.

I am finding myself longing for it. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if it is because it is a life I really want and I'm tired of trying to embrace this life or if is because God is preparing my heart for a change. Could be that I'm discontent with something else and thinking about change is a distraction.

So I'm praying. Praying that the Lord leads my thoughts and heart to where it needs to be. His plans for my life are not always my plans but His plans are ALWAYS for the better. I can't see the future but He can and He has a plan for my life. So I pray that I find peace and contentment wherever I am planted and if it is here on the farm I want to be o.k with that. Tomorrow I may way up and remember how much I love this house and life and realize how ridiculous I am being....or not.


So those are my 'country' thought for the day. On that note I need to go out and feed my chickens. (Something I would miss very much if we moved to the city)