October 30, 2009

My life...Some Conclusions

Thank you everyone for your comments on my previous post. I have to agree with Suzin that questioning WHY we do things is not a bad thing. I think it is good to take a step back and make sure the way we are living our lives is in sink with our values. We can too often start getting into a routine and forgetting to think,smile and have some fun. I know that I too often go through our daily routine like a robot, forgetting that I need to be living a life. This holds true for me lately as I am adjusting to life at home with 4 children.

Homeschooling certainly is not the issue. That I am certain. I am positive that Homeschooling IS the best thing for my children at this time in our lives and I don't regret a single moment of it. What IS the issue is my ATTITUDE about things that I need to change, and not necessarily how we live our life.

As for accepting that I am a certain way vs. Changing the parts that need changing, I have come to a couple of conclusions:

1) I DO need at least 5-30 mins a day to myself in order to be a nice person.
2) I DO need to get out for a run to feel alive.
3) I DO need the sunshine to feel happy
4) I DO need a relatively clean and organized house to feel calm.

As for everything else, Tammy is right. It does not matter whether or not I homeschool. It does not matter whether or not we live in the country or the city. It does not matter whether or not I wear blue or pink pj's. What matters is my attitude and focus. What matters is that whatever I decide to do in my life NEEDS to be GOOD. It needs to honor God and be pleasing to Him. I need to make sure the lifestyle we choose as a family brings out the BEST IN ME. That my attitudes and actions are setting the best example for my kids.

And with prayerful consideration in ALL things in my life, I feel I can do that.

I'll admit that in my head I already knew ALL of this. In fact, most days I know it AND believe it. I was just having a bad day and thought I would share my thoughts. See? I have bad days too.

So thanks...I feel better about things now.

Oh, and today is Friday and we have had a GREAT WEEK. I SERIOUSLY need to remember NOT to question my life on a Monday....like EVER.


ValleyGirl said...

It's so normal to have those kinds of days, where we feel a little lost and overwhelmed. One thing that's really been reinforced for me during times like that is that that's exactly why our faith can't be based on feelings. Our feelings and moods are so fickle, but KNOWING the unchanging Word of God and the promises in it/Him give us something to really hold onto and cover ourselves with, especially when He doesn't feel particularly close.

Nancy said...

Well said!

Country Wife said...

My little girl finally arrived safe and sound on October 28th, after a difficult pregnancy where we lost her twin in the first trimester, I developed gestational diabetes in the 2nd trimester, then ended up in the hospital at 26 weeks due to pre-term labour risk (shortened cervix). I had to stay in the hopsital (away from my other 2 children at home - God Bless Grandma who stepped in!) for 5 weeks until I reached the "safe point". Then home for bed rest until she arrived, at which point I developed severe anemia. There were so many times I was afraid we would lose her -- but every ultrasound actually showed that she was doing just fine. I kept asking "God - what gives? Have I come this far only to lose her in the end anyway?" I didn't understand so of course I questioned everything. It was so hard being in the hospital, alone and away from my other children, my husband, family and friends, my church. I couldn't do Anything! But I did it --- thinking of course I'd do anything for this baby God....don't take her. I will endure anything. Then the thought occurred to me.... Maybe, maybe it wasn't about the baby at all. She was Always in God's hands. Just maybe; it was about me. God needed to put me in the hospital - away from everything in my life - to do His work. Once I realized that, once I remembered that I was NOT alone in that hospital room, and that God would take care of ALL my babies, it wasn't so hard anymore. I had to give up any kind of control over my life and completely trust Him --- and everyone else who was helping. Hard thing to do for a stay at home mom who is used to calling the shots every day! But my husband got to bond with his children in a new way as he became their primary care giver, and learn a little bit more about how hard it is be at home everyday with children --- he really got a glimpse into my daily life and hopefully we have a better understanding of each other as a result. My mom - who never got to stay home with me - got to have that experience with her grandchildren. And hopefully my children learned that there are more people than just mommy who loves them and can take care of them. And after being away so long, I too came home with new perspective. renewed patience and tolerance. No more sweating the small stuff. Hopefully more calm and relaxed in the face of stress. And when I am not any of those things....I know now to ask, Am I giving it to God today? Or am I trying to do it all, be all? Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we cannot see. But it is true...you have to "know it in your knower" to really live within the Grace of God. To really give it all to Him and know that His promises are true.