March 14, 2009

Changes over the next 40 Days

I'm not really sure how to start this post. I guess I'll just write and see what comes out.

Lately I have not been as satisfied with my life as I have been and would like to be. I know I'm not going to love my life all the time. I mean com'on, people have bad days. It is not that. It is that I feel more and more disconnected with the person and lifestyle that I am and want to be. The person I know I NEED to be.
I don't know what it is. Well actually I do a little and that is why I'm writing this post.

I think it is the blogs I read, the facebook status updates, and the t.v that I'm watching. It started in the winter when everyone and their dog seemed to be taking off on vacations or doing something cool. I just could not take it anymore. I had so much life envy built up in me that I just stopped reading about other people all together.

Well the feeling has not gone away, and I think it is in part due to my favorite 5 blogs that I read on an obsessively daily basis. They are all drastically different women with drastically different lives. I take inspiration from them, as pieces of them represent a little of who I want to be.

I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with self improvement. With finding the tools to improve oneself and finding the motivation to succeed in your dreams. And MOST of the time, I have found reading blogs refreshing, inspiring and motivating....and I'm glad to have had the chance to sort of get to know other stay at home moms out there.

The problem is that I've taken these 5 woman and I've turned them into something they are not. I've taken the little part of them that I know and I focus on that part. I choose to forget that they are people too with faults and problems. I guess it is kind of like celebrity watching. You see only certain parts and dream what it would be like to live their lives....cause it seems cool.
I see happiness in what THEY are doing, and then I see that I don't have 'that' 'it' whatever they have in my life and I become dissatisfied

All I can see is the minor stuff that I want to change in my life and I'm becoming discontent with everything. I'm having a hard time seeing the beauty that is in my life ALREADY AND NOW. I want something different.

They are not telling me to change. They are not telling me to be different and that my life won't be happy until I am more like them. In fact, I'm sure they would be the first persons to tell me to just be myself!!

That is the problem I'm having with blogging and facebook right now. You see...I can write whatever I want. I can put in or leave out any part of my life. I can retouch my pictures or only show you one picture and not the hundreds of other crappy pictures before it. I can give you a glimpse of my life that is not the whole truth to inspire you to be Proud to be Country....or whatever.

I don't like this feeling I'm having and so I'm doing something about it.

I am taking a 40 day break from any sort of blog reading or facebook checking.

I'm becoming way too disconnected from my life here and I need to focus on the fabulous life my family has here in the country. I also need to stop thinking that a new post or status update by my close friends is the same as a phone call. Just as you can't know all that is going on in my life through my posts, I too can't possibly think I can keep in touch with friends via theirs.

So.....Yes I will still do my blog. Because it is MY blog. I want to journey through word and picture what happens over the next 40 days. Why 40 days?? I don't know. Why not. Call it my own lent. And if I don't feel like writing about it, and instead sit down with a good book or play trains with my son then I will do that to.

Keep in touch...


Cathy said...

I think you are awesome. I just know the next 40 days will be incredible for you!

You are going to learn so much! I totally wish I had your life in the country. I always think you have the most cool life. You keep it real, and that is refreshing to me Alyson!

I love your blog, and your passion.

Anonymous said...

Just this morning, Gary and I were taking the rare five minutes when both kids are actually entertaining eachother, and said the exact same thing.. not so much in blog reading-although we did just get a computer through Gary's work(for 140.00 bucks if you can believe it)so maybe now that I can I would--but just in general.. a general discontent that I am not living the way I want-or maybe I am, but everything I expose myself to, tells me not to be content with what we have.. I don't know.. I just know that this life is but a blink and the children are little for a blink - I don't want to spend it all not being fully present, fully grateful for healthy kids, good friends, cozy(short form for small)home, warm bread...

Good luck with your "lent"

Let me know..


happygeek said...

I was thinking of the same sort of thing recently.
I had been much more content when parenting and then a discontent started up again. The cause?
I had stopped reading proverbs 31 type blogs and then started up again. I get worn out with the guilt and have since stopped reading them again.
I don't share the same convictions as many of these women so why the comparison?
Enjoy your 40 day break.

Irma said...

Ah know you are right when you say that blogs only portray a glimpse of someones life...and I have caught myself thinking before when reading about others lives that they do certain things which I would like to do with our family...yet you don't always know their true dynamics. Everyone has good days and bad days...and if they don't then they are not being honest...

Take care of yourself...don't be to hard on yourself, you sound like a good wife and mother...and those pregnancy hormones can do a number on you as well! (-:

More than Survival said...

I have had the SAME thoughts for a while now..... I remember the "good old days" when there wasn't the internet at home and NO blogs to keep me comparing my life to. I also remember being VERY careful about what and how much I watched on tv.... VERY careful!! So, why have I allowed blog reading to creep more and more into my LIFE rather than me LIVING my life??????????? I am just about ready to quit it all, too.... There are some GREAT things out there to read, but it is the heart condition that follows that isn't so great.
USE the next 40 days to re-connect with real LIFE!!!! Have some face to face friend time!

ValleyGirl said...

I've been wondering more and more, too, if blogging and fb aren't kinda the source of some of my issues lately. I think I've become too involved with people I never actually see and my "real life" friendships have lagged behind. I'm still struggling because I don't really WANT to give either up, but I wonder sometimes if that wouldn't be the smartest thing. BALANCE obviously doesn't come naturally.

John said...

Look up and be content The Lord is watching