I'm not really sure how to start this post. I guess I'll just write and see what comes out.
Lately I have not been as satisfied with my life as I have been and would like to be. I know I'm not going to love my life all the time. I mean com'on, people have bad days. It is not that. It is that I feel more and more disconnected with the person and lifestyle that I am and want to be. The person I know I NEED to be.
I don't know what it is. Well actually I do a little and that is why I'm writing this post.
I think it is the blogs I read, the facebook status updates, and the t.v that I'm watching. It started in the winter when everyone and their dog seemed to be taking off on vacations or doing something cool. I just could not take it anymore. I had so much life envy built up in me that I just stopped reading about other people all together.
Well the feeling has not gone away, and I think it is in part due to my favorite 5 blogs that I read on an obsessively daily basis. They are all drastically different women with drastically different lives. I take inspiration from them, as pieces of them represent a little of who I want to be.
I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with self improvement. With finding the tools to improve oneself and finding the motivation to succeed in your dreams. And MOST of the time, I have found reading blogs refreshing, inspiring and motivating....and I'm glad to have had the chance to sort of get to know other stay at home moms out there.
The problem is that I've taken these 5 woman and I've turned them into something they are not. I've taken the little part of them that I know and I focus on that part. I choose to forget that they are people too with faults and problems. I guess it is kind of like celebrity watching. You see only certain parts and dream what it would be like to live their lives....cause it seems cool.
I see happiness in what THEY are doing, and then I see that I don't have 'that' 'it' whatever they have in my life and I become dissatisfied
All I can see is the minor stuff that I want to change in my life and I'm becoming discontent with everything. I'm having a hard time seeing the beauty that is in my life ALREADY AND NOW. I want something different.
They are not telling me to change. They are not telling me to be different and that my life won't be happy until I am more like them. In fact, I'm sure they would be the first persons to tell me to just be myself!!
That is the problem I'm having with blogging and facebook right now. You see...I can write whatever I want. I can put in or leave out any part of my life. I can retouch my pictures or only show you one picture and not the hundreds of other crappy pictures before it. I can give you a glimpse of my life that is not the whole truth to inspire you to be Proud to be Country....or whatever.
I don't like this feeling I'm having and so I'm doing something about it.
I am taking a 40 day break from any sort of blog reading or facebook checking.
I'm becoming way too disconnected from my life here and I need to focus on the fabulous life my family has here in the country. I also need to stop thinking that a new post or status update by my close friends is the same as a phone call. Just as you can't know all that is going on in my life through my posts, I too can't possibly think I can keep in touch with friends via theirs.
So.....Yes I will still do my blog. Because it is MY blog. I want to journey through word and picture what happens over the next 40 days. Why 40 days?? I don't know. Why not. Call it my own lent. And if I don't feel like writing about it, and instead sit down with a good book or play trains with my son then I will do that to.
Keep in touch...