After my last post, I had the worst day!!! Of course I did. Because that is how it works. You make a statement, vow to do better, and the next day you are tested Twofold.
I did...o.k with my test. I practiced my inner voice...A LOT!! You know the one. The one where you rant and rave at your children, flail your arms and SCREEEEEEAAAM!!!... All inside your head.
It felt good. It felt even better that I did not take my crappy mood out on them....Too much.
Ah Well. What do you do?
Start over the next day. And that is what I did.
Thank God for second chances and Grace. I just pray my kids are as forgiving of my crazy moods as God is.
4 comments:
I somehow stumbled on your blog and I am so glad that I did...I have been sipping my morning coffee and reading some of your posts....great blog!! I have enjoyed getting to know you a bit!
Juri
I was cranky at my kids today. It was humbling to have to once again apologize to them, but they forgave me and still seem to love me. Glad I'm not the only one that has these types of days.
they are full of grace...but at what cost to them.. that is the question I am always asking myself anyway...
Yes, they are sometimes like dogs(is it wrong to compare your children to dogs..) I know that they are always forgiving, always accepting, always giving that second chance, but just because they hug us and say "that's okay mommy", I am always wondering the imprint, long lasting and perhaps not necessarily great, that I am leaving...
For me, I think sometimes I am simply too easy on myself. I feel bad and I rationalize and say it all can't be good days, I'm human, he's too much work today, I feel bad, I said I was sorry, they need to see we are not perfect and the list goes on.... but then I think of myself and my crazy childhood and I think of how really really rotten I felt, how that lowered my self-esteem for years, how I am still needing acceptance, still not handling myself the way I want.. still yelling at my kids when I vowed I would never... Yes, as an adult I say I turned out okay, I am not as bad as mom was, it wasn't all bad, but you know what, I don't want seamus to struggle like me for years, I don't want him to feel that really rotten feeling even though he has a smile.. because I did to and I felt like crap..
Just something I was thinking lately as we have been struggling with seamus and life and thought it was timely to share with your post.. thanks for posting.. good to think these thoughts "out loud".. well, on paper but you know what I mean..
Suzin
Thanks for your honesty suzin.
No, taking our emotions out on our children is never o.k. That is what I meant by starting over. We can only do our humanly best. I can only be as good a mommy as I try to be.
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