Deep Mommy Thoughts

I've been thinking lately...I know. Scary.

Here is a thought...

If I was in the pool, and my husband abruptly shouted at me to get out of the pool because we had to go NOW!! One... I would wonder what was up his butt. Second, I would protest a little because frankly I was having fun. And third...if I quickly obeyed him everyone including myself would wonder why on earth I was married to such a controlling and insensitive jerk.

so....

Why do I expect my children to quickly jump up and obey my every command? Better yet...Why does it make me happy when they do???

Do I think that because I have openly compliant children, that I have succeeded as a parent? Am I trying to create robots, or worse...kids that can't question or reason?

Alot of people think I have great kids, and say I'm a good mom. Is that because I have great kids? Frankly I think they are great DESPITE my meddling in their lives. Despite my control issues and pride. THANK GOD!!! Lara questions me every once in a while and wonders why on earth she has to do what I say.

It seriously makes me a better parent. SHE makes me a better parent when she reminds me to talk to her like a person with feelings and not like she is some robot child. I am trying to get past my own emotion and figure out what is really going on with her. What she is really doing and allow her the freedom and joy to express herself fully.

I don't want her to grow up my fearful obedient robot child. If that happens I will have FAILED as a mother and not have succeeded.
No. I want her to grow up knowing that she can talk to me about anything, and trust that I will listen. I want her to know that I love her unconditionally even if I disagree with the choices she is making. After all. She is not me, and she is on her own journey.

I think I'm starting to take a parental turn. I feel myself growing a little here and I am learning how to be her mom. I know that our relationship won't change overnight, but at least I have a while longer before she leaves home. Thank God because I have a long...long way to go.


So...if I walk past you and your children at the grocery store and they are behaving, I am not thinking you then must be a perfect parent...Nor am I judging you when they are singing at the top of their lungs, getting naked and licking the fruit.

I wonder if others will do the same for me? ;)