Reflections

Today I found myself out and about in beautiful downtown. I was able to do a little window shopping and stop into my favorite new coffee shop for some tea. It was so nice to sit by myself in a coffee shop, write in my neglected journal and have a good friend meet me for some lunch.

Those are the things that make me...me. We all have things that touch our soul and refresh us, and believe it or not for me it is writting in my journal in coffee shops and lunching with friends.

The amazing part of the day was that I realized exactly 10 years ago this month I wrote my first journal entry sitting at a coffee shop in London.

I decided to take that first journal with me, read a few entries and reflect on how my life is different now.

wow!

It was neat to read my old entries but so sad at the same time. I was so lost and ashamed to be myself. I was desperately searching for a glimpse of happiness. Some sort of hope that my life would turn out o.k and I would eventually find my place in this world. I was so insecure and lost. I suppose not too untypical of most teenagers.

Although miserable I never gave up hope that there was something better in store for me and I was determined and ready to find what that was.
I have to say of my 19 year old self, that I had courage and tenacity that I never knew was there. I wish that my young self could see that all did turn out just fine and that I made it through :)

Just goes to show you that we go through trials in life to overcome them. God puts mountains in our way so we can learn how to climb.

There was an entry where I was literally writing down.... 'what do people see when they see me sitting here. Do they see someone who is pretty, ugly, confident, insecure?? ect ect... About 5 minutes later a guy walked up to me and handed me a napkin with writing on it. On it was a beautiful poem and the first words of the poem said.... "when I see you I see.." I remember looking up from reading it and the guy was gone. I was not sitting where anyone could have seen what I was writing, and I remarked how an angel had been sent to me that day.

Needless to say I kept that napkin and taped it in my journal. It is a reminder that God is always present in the world. Giving you answers and holding you in his arms when you need Him most. Even if you are not ready to acknowledge He is there.