I'm homeschooling with 4 kids 7 and under. My husband works shifts and so is home during the day when all the hustle and bustle of every day things are happening. The radio is playing positive and encouraging music (k-love), the laundry is spinning, the dishwasher running, the birds are singing, the rooster is crowing, the cars are whizzing by at 80km/hr.
Lately there seems to be a constant hum of noise. A child talking, crying, and laughing.
I find myself saying to them....Can you just be quiet for 5 minutes?? Can I just have a MOMENT to write something? Please??? (grumble grumble grumble)
Then the baby goes down for a nap and daddy decides to take the 3 big kids with him down road to check on the cows.
The quiet is GREAT. I can feel my shoulders relax and I breathe a little deeper. The time to myself is so nice. Taking 5 minutes to collect my thoughts and pray. Time to HEAR my own thoughts without interruption.
A half an hour goes by and I feel recouped. Stuff stays where I left it, the house gets cleaner and supper gets prepared.
An hour goes by and I start to wonder what to do next. I begin to picture my life when they are older and eventually out of the house and moved on with their lives. I remember that I have YEARS of being by myself ahead of me. I have plenty of years to find things just where I left them. Way more years than I will have WITH them and just as the past 8 years have flown by so will the next 18.
I can't help but feel a little empty now. A little selfish. It's too quiet. I begin to miss the questions and giggles. The noise. The mess.
Just as I begin to tear up as I picture what their wedding day will be like they pull into the driveway piled in daddy's truck.
My heart aches just a little and the tears quickly fade. They come barrelling into the door giving me big hugs.
As they begin to disperse throughout the house they leave a trail of clothing and toys and noise.
And this time I don't mind.
This time it is perfect.
4 comments:
You just summed up exactly how i feel.
I used to think, it would be so nice to have some quiet. Just a little bit. Now, with all my kids in school this year...i know its been almost a full year, but in the last few weeks it rally hit me that i really DO miss having them home during the day, i really DO want to hear all the noise and be surrounded by the chaos. Sometimes the silence is just to much.
I hope you have a blessed day today with your kids.
I always enjoy coming home from work and everyone is gone. I can sit and enjoy the quiet for awhile. However I usually find myself wandering around the house looking at all the stuff that represents my wife and kids - and wondering what they're doing.
Gulp. Double gulp.
So sweet. So real.
Thank you again, dear girl.
AMEN...
I will never forget wise words from a mother of a childhood friend. I was in high school and we were visiting. Her two younger children were calling "mom, mom" over and over...and me, way before motherhood was even on my mind, said to her "that must be so annoying"-picture that with all the teenage attitude I could muster... And she said in so much wisdom-wisdom I could never recognize at that time "the day will come when I will ache, yes ache to hear them calling my name throughout the day. For now, I love it-there is no better name to be called."
Oh how I wish I could live in that awareness all times!!!
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