Music to my Ears

Peyton is 7.5 months, crawling and babbling....and it is bitter sweet.

Peyton is the exact age my oldest daughter was when I had to leave her.

I was in the military and I needed to go across country for a Paramedics course. My husband had just completed school and was waiting to hear from the military himself. He was home to nurture her so we made the decision for me to go then instead of wait until she was a year old. If we waited we were risking both of us being gone and her being old enough to know we were absent.

So...When Lara was 7.5 months old I left. She was crawling and had two teeth.

Adam sent me some pictures and even a video. The video was adorable as she was 'babbling' and climbing all over her Daddy. Unfortunately there was no sound on the video and so I could not hear her wonderful sounds. That was torture!!

When I returned she was 11 months old, walking and had 8 teeth. She had transformed from a little baby into a tiny little girl.
I will never forget the day I saw her. It was so bitter sweet. I loved her so much and knew she was taken care of but she did not know who I was.

To make matters worse, Adam got called to duty three weeks early and was on the opposite end of the country. I had 4 days to get to know my daughter, and find a babysitter during the day so I could begin the nursing portion of my training.

I made a deal with a friend on the course whose spouse was in town to visit. She could stay with us for four months as long as she watched Lara during the day. That worked out better than we all expected and is a crazy story on its own.

BUT

I was a mess. I was trying to figure out this little girl, and my husband was across country. We had been apart for over 6 months at this point and I broke down.

I was doing a job I loved and was very good at it. Personally I was a wreck. I needed to just....breathe and slow things a little.
The military knew I had prior experience as before completing university I was a medic during high school. So...the nursing skills were old hat. I begged them to give me a few weeks off and put me on the next course.

They refused...so I quit. Yup....up and quit.

That 6 months of my life was so hard but so necessary. My priorities were changed so drastically.
That is why I stay home.
That is why I could not care less what job I do in the world.... being there for my babies is so much more important and rewarding.

To this day Lara and I have a strange relationship and I blame it on the loss of bond when she was little.

Today....Peyton is babbling and crawling all over me. He is making the sounds that I missed Lara make. It is seriously music to my ears and makes me cry. Such a little thing but it is so big in my world.

I thank God for what happened 5 years ago. If it never happened I may be sailing around the world as a medic savings lives. Instead I am living on my husbands old family farm influencing the lives around me, and I could not imagine wanting to be anywhere else.

Funny how God turns things around. He knew I needed to be home with my babies....homeschooling...and raising chickens :)