I started them my second year of University. They contain all my fears,sorrows,trials, adventures, and relationship blunders.
You see I've always loved to write. I learned early on that getting my thoughts down on paper was theraputic and fun.
When by myself I absolutely love to go to coffee shops and people watch. I would sit and write down my thoughts or revelations and never felt alone because of it.
Journaling was my 'cigarette'...my way of doing something when alone in a crowd of people. When I felt I had nobody else in the world to turn to....I would write.
Since becoming a Christian, Wife and Mother I have not written much. I think there are several reasons. One being I have a fabulous husband that I turn to with my problems.
Every once in a while I write down a significant thought, but to be honest I would rather share that thought.
That is why I love to blog. My blogs are like my journal entries but folks like yourself get to read them.
My journals are alot like my blogs. They are written to sound like I'm speaking. Hence my frequent use of the ....
What I love more about the Blog is that every once in a while my thoughts make a difference to someone. If my blogs can do that then I can only imagine what my journals may do for someone some day. What a great thought.
But what if the journals are misread? misunderstood and people get hurt? Perhaps some things are just not meant to be shared.
I certainly don't want my children to read them until I'm old and grey and my husband PROMISED never to peak at them (and I know he won't because there are some things he just never wants to know).
I don't keep them to look back on the pages to relive a life I lived. As a Christian I have new life in Christ. When I asked for forgiveness of my sins my old life was wiped away....I started fresh. For this reason I don't go back. Why feel bad about things said or done when I've forgiven and been forgiven and have moved on? Or even better...why look back and wish I had the life I had when I was dead to God? No thanks.
So why keep them?
Because they are MY STORY, and maybe they will mean something to someone someday.
I don't like alot of the things that are in there. However they contain the Truth. It is me in the raw and there are some amazing journeys expressed on those pages. They chronicle my struggles in University up to when I met my husband and ultimately God. They are a testimony in themselves of how we all can overcome anything. For that reason I cherish them and can't let go.
So what do I do with them?
4 comments:
Wow - I too write when I've forgotten to take a book with me wherever, or when I'm people-watching in a coffee place, or when I'm by myself on an airplane.
A magical place in a small "forest" - oh yes! It's me all over again!!
Keep them forever!! What a great testament of your faith journey they must be! I used to journal all the time too, but once I got married, I was too afraid my hubby would see the silly things I'd written about this guy or that, so I BURNED THEM. I'm so sorry I did, even though I was often halfway embarrassed reading through them all by myself.
I'm a little shy when my husband wants to read my blog now, but I'm flattered that he does. And it keeps me a little more honest, I think, because I know there's someone who knows me VERY well comparing my actions with what I've written for the world to see.
I think you should keep them. Keep them tucked away in your closet until your kids are old enough to understand and not judge(probably when you are old and gray :) ). But at some point in there life they are going to want to know who you were, and what you were like when you were younger, and how you became who you are today through growing and learning. Over the past hate, etc. It is a way for me to get to know them, since i only see them once a year, and my kids dont know them well at all. So i say keep them.
Keep them in the back of your closet, or in a trunk, or under your bed. I have journals like that too - I don't think I would ever want to read them again and I wouldn't want anyone else to read them. But I could never get rid of them.
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